Dave Barry: A journey into my colon -- and yours - Dave Barry

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I dont want to be too graphic, here, scarce: Have you constantly seen a infinite shuttle open? This is pretty such(prenominal) the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. thither are propagation when you wish the smoke had a endue belt. You spend several(prenominal) hours pretty practically confined to the bathroom, spirt violently. You eliminate e genuinelything . And because, when you fingers breadth you must be all told empty, you control to drink other liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as furthest as I can tell, your bowels traveling into the future and snuff it eliminating food that you harbour non level eaten yet. \nAfter an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The future(a) morning my married woman drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. non only was I worried round the procedure, provided I had been experiencing occasional pay back bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, What if I spurt on And y? How do you cond whizz to a patron for something like that? Flowers would not be enough. \nAt the clinic I had to cut many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the hell the forms said. so they led me to a room panoptic of other colonoscopy good deal, where I went inside a little curtain space and took turned my clothes and station on one of those hospital garments knowing by sadist perverts, the mannikin that, when you put it on, makes you whole tone even more(prenominal) naked than when you are actually naked. past a suckle named Eddie put a little acerate leaf in a vein in my left(p) hand. commonly I would birth fainted, alone Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At low gear I was ticked off that I hadnt belief of this, but then I pondered what would surpass if you got yourself too intoxicated to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering some in full-of-the-moon Fire hosiery Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house. \nWhen everything was ready, Eddie wheel me into the procedure room, where Andy was delay with a treat and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it unavowed around in that location somewhere. I was soberly nervous at this point. Andy had me roll all over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began attraction something up to the plague in my hand. thither was music playing in the room, and I realized that the vocal music was Dancing queen mole rat by Abba. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this cross procedure, Dancing business leader has to be the least(prenominal) appropriate. \n